And another thing

I can't think of a "D" for the ABC along to save my life. Everything seems so obvious. There's my husband, "D"oug, my "D"og(s), myself, "D"ebbie, my cat "D"ustBunny. But where's the creativity in those? Now, it's time for "E" and I'm still stuck on "D". Wait, I feel a song coming on. Anyone out there play the guitar?

Oh, and I've been elected "D"elegate for Barrack Obama, since I'm a "D"emocrat.

Oh, oh wait (remember "Welcome Back Kotter"? who was that kid always raising his hand?) I know

"D" is for DEMOCRATS





These pictures were snapped at the rally after the Texas caucus's. I was chosen to be a delegate for Obama! At the caucus I was given a pass by two of Obama's workers for the rally. My husband and I high tailed it to downtown San Antonio so we could be in a good position to see Barrack Obama. I was beyond excited. At that point, I was just certain he had taken Texas. Alas, I was wrong as to the popular vote but he did take the caucus. What a strange system we had.

We were able to obtain seats in the grandstands because some students from my university were in charge. They gave us the go ahead to sit in the grandstand and after waiting an hour and a half before Barrack Obama came out, I was really glad we weren't having to stand the entire time. I had a nice time talking to other people in the stands and it was thrilling to be that close to Obama. Unfortunately, due to the camera lights I couldn't really see him, just his shadow. Still, I loved being there.

The caucus ~ what an almost fiasco ~ got off to a very rocky start. The precinct chair is quite elderly (not that there's anything wrong with that) but also quite cranky. Four letter words were shouted and the threat of police being called was given. The contention was the presence of two young workers for the Obama campaign. They were there to help but the elderly precinct chair did not take kindly to them or their help. We had 127 people show up, 49 votes for Hillary Clinton and 78 for Barrack Obama. Everyone I spoke to at the rally said that Obama had won their caucus so I was really surprised that Clinton had been given the popular vote. Strange.

Somewhere in this crowd is, I hope, the next president of the United States

Edited it add:
Immediately, and I do mean immediately, after posting this, a story came on NPR about the Texas caucus. A woman told the story of my very own precinct caucus. What a coincidence! So, if you listen to NPR anytime on Friday and hear someone talking about a caucus in San Antonio, that's the one!

It's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.

Do you remember, I think it was, Alice Longworth Roosevelt saying "if you don't have anything good to say, come sit by me"? Well, I've been trying the "if you don't have anything good to say, don't blog philosophy but I'm realizing that it might be weeks and weeks before I write anything if I wait. So, here I am.

I've grappled with, what I do in real life, hunker down when times get bad. I stop talking to friends and stay in my own little corner as much as possible. Well, that doesn't really work well in real life and it certainly doesn't work when I've made a commitment to write with some frequency.

The saga of my ears continues and I am at a loss as to what to do. I am secretly hoping for advice from the two or three of you who might read.

On February 20 I went to the ENT doctor one last time. I had allergy tests and then met with the doctor. She proclaimed that I had something called "mastoiditis" and had probably had it most of my life. She said that I would need a mastoidectomy and set me up with a surgeon who specializes in ears (at the "ear clinic" no less). My appointment with the specialist was set for 7:00 a.m. on February 27. I spent the week between appointments being a raving lunatic. Every time my ears twinged or I forgot a word, I thought "ok, the infection has started into my brain". (which is what she told me it would do if left unchecked). I prepared my students for the event that I might need to take a week off for surgery. I started trying to come up with the money that it would cost for the surgery. I worried 24/7 and continued to take the antibiotics prescribed (fifth antibiotic in five months).

February 27, 7:00 a.m. I went to the appointment with this specialist. My husband and I walked in, the place looks like an airport at 3:00 a.m. No one at the front desk, chairs still up on the tables and a few patients standing around filling out forms. "Oh, if only I could be one of the lucky ones who got forms to fill out", I thought. Waited. waited. waited. Being the impatient sort, I went to attempt to find someone. The place is deserted.

Finally, a woman comes to the front desk (I swear she was wiping the jelly doughnut off their mouth) and hands me a stack of paperwork, mostly making certain that the doctor would be paid and that it would be very difficult for me to sue them.

I filled out those papers (after my husband got the chairs down from a table for me), they took a copy of my insurance card, drivers license and a picture of me and sent me on my way to another waiting room. I was given another stack of papers to fill out. Again, no one around. It was about 7:40 a.m. at this point.

I proclaimed to my husband something to the effect of "I'd rather be dead than have to come here another time" as I set about filling out more paperwork.

Twenty minutes later (or was it forty minutes?) someone from the business office comes out to tell me that I have the wrong ID card for my insurance. This is the same ID card that I had used for all the other appointments over the past 30 days but, oh well. She was all aflutter with "what will we do" when I told her, "take me to a computer with internet access and I'll just go to my account and print out a new ID card". To her credit, the woman did let me do that but doncha' think that, given the fact that it's her JOB she might have been savvy enough to know that could be done.

Get the insurance card straightened out, get the paperwork filled out, by now it's about 9:00 a.m. The doctor's nurse aide came and got me and I was ushered farther into the bowels of the clinic, to the inner sanctum of an exam room. Woohoo, we're talking now.

The nurses aide proceeds to ask me the same friggin' questions that were on the papers that I already filled out. I caught myself saying "I already TOLD you" in the tone of voice that pissed off my mother the entire time I was growing up (still does) so attempted to tone it down and play nice.

FINALLY, around 9:30 the doctor comes in. A 40ish, stylish woman, nice enough, very efficient, obviously smart, yada yada. She looks at my CT scan, gives me a perfunctory exam and proclaims "you don't have mastoiditis, or any kind of infection for that matter". Doesn't know what I do have but knows that the other diagnosis was wrong.

Sends me off to have more hearing tests done by HER audiiologist. Apparently the ENT's hearing tests (that I had already paid for) weren't good enough.

I HATE hearing tests. I hate sitting there with the little button waiting for beeps that I can't hear because my hearing is so friggin bad.

After the hearing tests, I go back to the exam room and the doctor breezes in. Actually, the exam was so fast I felt like proclaiming "who was that masked man!" (remember Zorro?).

The outcome, left ear totally shot. No hearing at all and inner ear is gone. No idea why. No idea why I have this pressure in my ears. No idea why I feel like crap for five months. Doctor wants to do more tests (another MRI and CT scan) and something else that I didn't catch the name of.

Cost of that office visit: $600.00
Cost of the next office visit: $600.00
Cost of the MRI: still waiting for the exact cost but around $1,000.

This is money I DON'T have. My insurance is rudimentary with a $10,000 deductible because that's the only way I could afford any kind of insurance. As it is, the insurance is $376.00 per month.

So, in the meantime ....
The doctor mentioned that my ear pressure COULD be caused by migraines. Hmmm....the wheels in my brain start going round and round and I think "could this have anything to do with the new meds I started on in October".

Last October, in an effort to try and save money, I went off of Celexa and started taking Wellbutrin 300 because Wellbutrin 300 is available as a generic. I also got tired of feeling like a robot on Celexa.

I had wondered at the time my ears started hurting if the wellbutrin might be the cause but when three doctors said I had ear infections I dropped it. After hearing (ha, hearing, get it?) that it could be a migraine I got out my handy dandy google and started researching. Ah ha, I found some studies, studies that said that Wellbutrin 300 did, indeed cause migraines in 26% of the people who took it.

Next, I called my psychiatrist and went over the info with her and got her blessing to go off of the wellbutrin and see what happens.

Tuesday was my last wellbutrin and my ears have gotten steadily better. I've been having some pressure off and off today but I don't know how long it takes for the wellbutrin to get completely out of my system.

So, there you have it. In case you haven't been keeping score:

Five antibiotics
two steroids
one hugely WRONG diagnosis (I'm willing to forgive the diagnosis of ear infections because I could have had one going on initially)
Over $1,000 in office bills to the doctor who made the wrong diagnosis

$600.00 to the high powered specialist with the promise of owing close to another $2,000 if I have the MRI and the second office visit.

What to do?

Oh, and I was leaving the specialist threw out that there is an implant that can be done so that I would be able to hear in stereo again. The cost for that? I don't know for sure but my research shows around $30,000.

WE NEED A DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT, PEOPLE!!!!!! My preference would be Barrack Obama but I'll take Hillary Clinton if she can do something about the sorry state of health insurance in this country.

But I digress ....
I have an appointment scheduled with hotshot doctor on March 17. By that time I'm supposed to have the MRI and another CT scan but I don't even know for sure that I really need it. I do want to keep seeing her, though, because I want to pursue the possibility of the implant for my hearing.

I just don't have the money to pursue a bunch of diagnostic tests just so the doctor can cover her ass and say she's done everything possible for me. Oh, she did throw out that I "could" have a benign brain tumor. Or not.

So, hmmm, I'm digging down here trying to get out the entire whine while I'm on a roll .....digging, digging, I think that's it for now.

In the meantime, I seem to be knitting and ripping a lot. I'm still knitting "gust". I haven't put thumbs on my poor little "bird in hand" mittens and the clapotis for my sister in law accidently became the blanket for my dog, Tillie today.

Speaking of Tillie, I'll leave you with a picture of her.



That's "Queen" Tillie to you.

One of these days....

the cat is going to get truly stuck. No telling the other spots he chooses to hibernate in when I'm not around. This basket was sitting precariously on the arm of the sofa. It was filled to the brim with knitting paraphernalia (and one stuffed cat).

I don't want to go to so far as....

I don't want to go so far as to say 2008 sucks but ....

After thinking that I was home free when I got a clear "no tumor" report from my CT scan, I got the lovely news today that I do need to have surgery. It seems that I have had an infection in my middle ear for most of my 50 + years and no amount of antibiotics is going to clear it up. Furthermore, my hearing loss, which is profound in my left ear and simply bad in my right ear seems due to this infection.

I have been to numerous physicians over the past 25 years and ALL of them have scratched their heads and said "gosh, we can't imagine why you're having this hearing loss. You've got a perfectly normal looking ear. It's 'idiopathic'". The "idio" part of the word should have been a clue to me that the physician was a lazy idiot who couldn't be bothered to find out the cause of why my hearing was going.

Turns out that I have a massive infection in the mastoid part of my ear and need to have a mastoidectomy. The consequences of not having the surgery are hearing loss (check, done that), loss of balance (check, done that), brain infection (uh, avoided that, I think) and death. In the wonderful words of Monty Python "I'm not dead yet".

I am so angry and so scared at the same time. And angry, did I mention that?

So, I'm waiting for a call from the surgeon's office to schedule an appointment for a consultation. The good news is that there is a slight chance that some of my hearing might return. Oh, and I won't die of a brain infection, always good. The bad news is that I'm living on antibiotics until the surgery and there is really nothing to be done for the pain. I do have a scrip for Vicodin with the warning not to overdo it. I'll take the vicodin when I get really tired of feeling like crap.

On a sweet note, my college students have been wonderfully supportive and loving. One of them, a girl who is from Turkey, brought me a bracelet today that is to ward off the evil eye. I am wearing it and never taking it off.

Did you know that mastoiditis was the number one killer of children until the invention of antibiotics?

Next post, I'll tell you about my car accident.

A Little Story

I've been catching up on blogs this morning and noticing that many are thanking their significant others for Valentine's Day. I want to tell you about my sweet husband.

Yes, I got some beautiful roses for the day. And, yes, he made reservations and took me to the special restaurant that I wanted to go to. But more than that ... this special man has done double, triple, quadruple duty over the past year. As our precious Simon has become more and more crippled, Doug has taken over his care. That entails taking him out sometimes in the middle of the night, in the cold and rain and holding him in place while he does (the dog, I mean) his business. Doug often ends up getting peed on and sometimes worse. Simon has to be held up while he eats and drinks, too, and most of the time (99% of the time) Doug is the one who does this. Some of that is just practical. Simon weighs about 75 pounds and he's hard for me to haul around. But even if it weren't just a practical matter, Doug would do it because that's just the wonderful man he is.

Then, recently, there was the lovely tumor scare for me. Doug kept an optimistic outlook even though he let me know how worried he was after we got the news that there isn't anything growing in my brain . Wednesday morning, he sat in the examining room with me while the doctor poked holes in my ears, acting as my comfort and strength.

To top everything off, last night after our wonderful and romantic dinner, Simon had a pooping accident on his bed that had to be cleaned up. At the same time one of the cats threw up in the living room. As I was already in bed, Doug took care of all of it, all without a single complaint or even an expletive.

And just a few minutes ago, he came in with a list of things that I need to take with me for my weekend away with the girls.

All the roses in the world aren't enough to show how much he loves me and how much I love him back.

"C" is for Cappuccino

I love Cappuccino. I always order it when I'm any place that serves special coffees. When I was in Rome, there was a little coffee bar by the apartment and my friend and I stopped in every morning. Gian Carlo (love that name) would start my cappuccino as soon as he saw me coming.

The cappuccino in this picture was from a coffee place in Little Italy in Boston. It looked so amazing that I just had to take a picture. The cappuccino was accompanied by a rock sugar stirrer. I was buzzed for hours!

LBelle is making a face because of the sugar rush she got when tasting the rock sugar.

Longing for Spring

It's getting close to the Longing for Spring Swap start so I thought I'd better post my answers to the questionnaire. We don't have much in the way of winter here in South Texas so I'm feeling a little guilty about not having snow and ice to shovel out. However, the best thing about Spring here is the end to the cedar season! It's been a killer this year.


Questionnaire

1. Do you knit or crochet? How long have you been at your craft?

I knit and crochet but prefer knitting. I learned to knit and crochet when I was about 9 years old so that makes it about 40 (!) years.

In high school I mostly crocheted. I didn't get how to cast on properly for knitting so my first row was always a mess. I crocheted purses and sold them in high school. Anyone remember Aunt Lydia's rug yarn? I also crocheted granny square afghans and doilies.

I took one knitting class in my early twenties with my mother. We learned to knit raglan cardigans.

In my 30s I mostly needle pointed or cross stitched. I got rehooked on knitting in my 40s when I discovered all the new luscious yarns. Now, I have a good sized stash and a Ravelry queue of around 300 items I wanted to knit!

2. What are your favorite yarns/fibers? What are your least favorite yarns/fibers?

I really like alpaca and also BFL wools. Merino's good, too. I've recently discovered cashmere and I like it for some things. I love thick/thin wools like Manos.

I don't mind knitting with yarns like Encore which have some acrylic in them. But I don't really like knitting with all acrylic or all rayon/nylon, etc. I don't really like knitting with cotton but I will if it's appropriate for the project.


3. What are your favorite colors? What are your least favorite colors?

I love spring colors ~ greens, teals, clear blues. Vibrant colors. Oh, and periwinkle, I love periwinkle. (how could you NOT love a color called periwinkle?)

4. What ‘warm weather’ project are you looking forward to making this year?

I don't really think in terms of warm vs cold projects. Wish I was that organized! This spring I'm looking forward to knitting more socks for me and at least one lace project. I really want to knit a really want to knit an intricate lace shawl.

5. What are you favorite scents? Least favorite?

I love citrus scents and light spicy scents. I don't like flowery scents and although I love roses, I don't like fake rose scents.

6. What is your favorite flower?

I love gerber daisies. I also love roses, especially antique roses.

7. What are you favorite spring time hobbies/activities?

Bicycling! I love biking in the spring. Between May and August it's usually too hot during the day to bike here.

8. Do you have a garden? If you do, tell us a little about it. Do you like to plant flowers or vegetables?

I have a neglected small rose garden. I have 9 antique rose bushes. I'm looking forward to working on them in about a month.

I plan on starting a small vegetable garden this spring.

9. What are your favorite sweets?

Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. Nutella, too. I don't really like milk chocolate, though. I love dark chocolate with a little bite to it.

10. Do you collect anything?

I'm trying not to. I have a small collection of Beatrix Potter figurines (I LOVE Peter Rabbit) and some music boxes. A lot of books. I'm mostly limiting myself to collecting sock yarn now.

11. Do you have any allergies?

Interesting question. I'm scheduled to have allergy tests on February 20.

12. Do you have any pets?

I have five (!) cats and two dogs. In my defense, all of the cats are rescues. The dogs are boxers.

Happy Valentine's Day

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

I've been holding out on you

I've been knitting, just not showing. I thought it was about time, since this is, after all, a blog focused on knitting.

First up is
Gust

I love Anne's designs. Knitting this has almost been like an zen exercise. Peaceful and engaging at the same time. The yarn is Jade Saphire Mongolian Cashmere. Colorway is Caribbean Mist. I had forgotten that was the name of the colorway until I checked just now. Quite appropriate, don't you think? Size 4 U.S. needles, Crystal Palace, straights.

Here it is pinned out a bit.

Next up for show is what is, I hope, the last Clapotis I'll knit.

I love the pattern but there's a limit as to how many times I want to knit the same thing. This is the one that I knit as a help to my two friends who wanted me to show them how to knit the pattern.

Here is an art shot of the three of them at the beginning



Here is my finished project

The yarn is Blue Heron and it has a little metallic thread running through it. Here it is up close and personal. I'm not wild about the yarn. It's pretty but I prefer knitting with natural fibers. This Blue Heron is rayon. It's soft, though, and is going to be given to my sister in law who is sensitive to wool.

And last, my personal favorite. These are Kate Gilbert's Bird in Hand Mittens This was the first time I've knitted a braid. Also, I taught myself how to weave the floats while I knitted. I am very proud of that achievement. Here's proof of my new weaving abilities

You might notice that these mittens have no thumbs. I have a fear of knitting thumbs so I'm getting my courage up here. I wanted to go ahead and post about them, though because I plan on getting them in the mail immediately upon completion. They're going to lovely goddaughter LBelle in Boston.

I dearly wish that I had done a better job of hiding the waste yarn that the thumb stitches are on. Please excuse. I just wanted to get this up on the blog.

On a non knitting note, I went back to the doctor today for my ears. She poked a hole in each ear drum and drained some of the fluid. It did give me some relief but I'm still having a lot of pressure and now add to that the not so great having a hole poked in my ear drum.
I go back next week for extensive allergy testing and the possibility of having tubes put in my ears. There is the possibility of a surgery that I can't pronounce, let alone spell.

The doctor told me, in the nicest way, that I should have had tubes put in my ears when I was a child. Had that happened, I might not be suffering the hearing loss that I have now. I spent about ten minutes going from anger to feeling sorry for myself back to anger. I'm over it. Time to move on.